Joe the Plumber: a closet "OfJ" supporter

Ohio plumber, Joe Wurzelbacher, became America's newest celebrity last night when John McCain introduced him in the final presidential debate as an honest, hardworking American who looked at Barack Obama's tax plan and decided he didn't like it. For the next hour or so of the debate, helping Joe Wurzelbacher thrive as a plumber in rural Ohio dwarfed the importance of propping up Lehman Brothers and AIG combined.

But first, who is this Joe the Plumber? Let's be clear, Joe the Plumber is just your average Joe Six-Pack, which is to say he's just like you and me. Unless of course your name isn't Joe (like mine is) and you don't buy your beer in packs of six or have rock-solid abs (like I do). Frankly, in fact, if you aren't a white, Budweiser-drinking, blue collar worker, who believes in everyone's right to get filthy rich, and who clings to guns and religion instead of sound economic policy when you don't get rich, then you probably aren't much like Joe Six-Pack or Joe the Plumber at all, which is to say that you should probably just leave the country and move to Canada or England where you'll like your health-care coverage better than here since, according to John McCain, those are the places that have health-care plans similar to what Barack Obama is proposing and, since you clearly aren't a Joe Six-Pack, you're probably planning on voting for Barack Obama and want to live in a place with health-care plans like his (which, I reiterate, is an extremely un-American health-care plan).

But let's be clear again, Joe "the plumber" Wurzelbacher, is a real person. Joe Six-Pack is an fictitious amalgamation of "average" Americans. And while I'm pretty sure Joe Six-Pack is American enough that he would vote Republican, if he could, Joe the Plumber is refusing to reveal who he will vote for. In an interview this morning with ABC news, Joe ("the Plumber" not "Six-Pack") expressed opposition to any tax plan that redistributes wealth or taxes the wealthy higher than other people but he retained his right to keep his voting intentions private. Joe revealed that he does not currently make anywhere close to $250,000 (the income threshold at which tax payers will start seeing a tax increase under Barack Obama's plan). He is, however, interested in buying the plumbing business that he has worked for most of his life and hopes to make over $250,000 if he becomes the owner.

Joe knows that people have to pay taxes, he just doesn't think that a person should be punished with higher taxes just because he worked harder and earned more money. Joe Wurzelbacher put a human face to the tragedy that will befall all the Americans out there who will see their taxes cut under Barack Obama's tax proposal until they start earning over $250,000 per year, at which point they will see their taxes go up. I think that for many viewers this dire image of an honest, hardworking, white, American male seeing his taxes cut en route to realizing the American dream, only to see his taxes go up a little, really hit home.

Joe is a person that we can trust not just to fix our leaky faucets but to give us political advice as well. We can trust him because, well, he's like us, I mean, most of us (the ones of us who shouldn't move to Canada or England). He's not an Arab, for example, or a Muslim. And I'm pretty sure that he likes beer (not English beer, good ol' American beer with no grounding in the English brewing tradition). He's also not a woman, although he has a wife who supports supporting autistic children. And he's a plumber. Did I say that already? We can trust him for all these reasons, which is why I was proud to get his support for Barack Obama to be the next Jesus of the United States. It turns out that Joe Wurzelbacher (raised Jewish but now non-religious) finds in Obama a spiritual link that has been missing in his life. He believes in Obama's message of hope and change, get's a tingle up his spine when Obama speaks about a unified America, and lauds Obama's efforts as a community organizer in Chicago's southside. Wurzelbacher believes that government is no place to enforce religious values but he thinks that the people ought to work together to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and comfort the afflicted. And he believes that Barack Obama is the one to lead us.

Thanks for your endorsement Joe! We'll teach those yuppie liberals what office Obama belongs in.